Thursday, August 26, 2010

So, I did not anticipate my freak-out last weekend to have such an effect. I put together that post without too much forethought in a moment when I was feeling a little insecure and a lot overwhelmed. I was venting. I was hoping to get some advice from folks that had been through similar events, and I did! I really appreciate all the folks that took time to drop a comment and say something reassuring. I needed people like Odyssey to deconstruct my little attack with some perspective and a pat on the back. DrugMonkey and Dr. Isis offered up helpful, pragmatic advice. It was nice to hear I wasn't alone from Prodigal Academic. And all the other really thoughtful comments and tips from everyone here and at Odyssey's was fantastic. I also needed The Tideliar and Pinus to tell me to chill the fuck out.

So I was caught a little off-guard when GMP's comment got the attention that it did (see, for example, PLS). When I read what GMP wrote, I took it as an encouraging pat-on-the-back of the "you are not abnormal" variety. I think that she is probably correct that all us n00bs (at least all that I know) on the TT feel a little overwhelmed. Maybe even most of the time. As has come up on lot's o' blogs in the past few days, no matter how well you are trained as a postdoc this is going to be a big transition.

In any event, I should have been more precise with my vocabulary. For, while I was freaking out, I was not having an actual panic attack. I used that phrase, and others went with it. But it was not accurate, and I should not have trivialized the actual incapacitation of a real panic attack. I was just freaking out. I vented, got some kind words, and then felt lots better. PLS (et. al) make a really valid point that if you are regularly struck with actual panic attacks then you would not be able to function. This is a whole different can of worms from what I was going through. Again, sorry for the sloppy verbage.

Anyhoo, I've been a little psychotically busy this week, so I didn't follow as closely as I should have (but I did bookmark all the sites I ran across so that I can refer back at will!!). I'm sure I missed some things. And I am leaving tomorrow for a race so I won't be able to catch up in the near future.

I'm sure that, for those of you that stick around, there will be many more tales of my adventures on the tenure track. Just to be clear, I am actually really psyched about starting up my lab. In a recent post, Female Science Professor ponders whether it is "uncool" to have fun on the TT. I would say HELZ NO! This is awesome!!! I have wanted this job for EVAH (it seems to me), and most of the time I'm running around giddy. It is easy to spout off about the "hard" parts, but I wouldn't trade it in for any other job.


OK, now back to my grant writing :-)