Saturday, July 31, 2010

One day when I was, oh, about six I was at church with my family. After the service, we had donuts and the kids could play on the playground. There was this boy who kept bugging me about things he could do that I could not. Those were things like hang upside down on the monkey bars (I had on a dress and had reached that point of modesty) and reach the really high bar to do pull ups (I was short). Eventually, I got pissed off and told him that I could spell a long word-- a word longer than he could spell (honestly, I can’t remember the word, but it would make a much better story if I did). A fight ensued.* Our parents broke up the argument and I was chastised for bragging (more than fighting), as (and I quote) “Young lady. Good girls do not brag.”

This was a message that was repeated over and over again. I always seemed to brag, even when I didn’t mean to do so. But inadvertently bragging was so easy! A classmate could glance at my test and see I scored higher than s/he did. Or I could tell my parents that I got an A on a my report card in front of someone else. Or I could mention that I was planning on going to college in the fall. Any of those things seemed to constitute bragging. So, I stopped mentioning things I did well and I learned to preface good things that happened with things like “Well, I’m lucky” or “Who can tell how these things work?”.

Now, I’m interviewing for a postdoc position this weekend. Part of this particular interview-- and I think most interviews-- is preparing a presentation about your work. So, I’ve been working on this for the past week or so. The other day I presented my talk to Advisor and Advisor’s Colleague. After my presentation, Advisor had me go through the slides so, he could, well, advise me on each one. We got to a part of the presentation where I switched model organisms (from prokaryote to eukaryote, even) and Advisor told me that I should emphasize that I was the first person in his lab to do use this model organism. I sort of stared at him and asked if that didn’t constitute bragging.

And that’s when he told me, “If you don’t bang your own drum, no one else will.” He continued to tell me that everyone in the room has a job and I do not. If I don’t tell them what I’ve done, how will they know? It’s a good point. But it’s a hard one, too. I’ve spent most of my life trying not to tell anyone about the (good) things I’ve done. And now I’m supposed to tell everyone how awesome I am? I think more revising of the definition of a lady is in order.


*I should note that we became good friends as we grew up. And he’s a very nice guy.